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That's a lesson that came far too late in life for me. I'd recommend that everyone read Seth Godin's "The Dip" -- a book about knowing when to quit (and when to stick). Life changing stuff.
Some cool stuff in there Clay, and as a man that sometimes feels compelled to reply to a growing number of e-mails, advice I maybe should take myself more often.
It's tricky, obviously, because I think a lot of people in our generation have the opposite problem-- saying 'no' to too much! There's something to be said for occasionally sticking something out awhile to see if things improve and occasionally doing something you don't want to do because it's better for you in the long run.
Although I guess in those cases, it's important to be in touch with you 'Want' rather than just what you 'want'. For example, maybe you're in the middle of finals week and you 'want' to quit school, but what you really 'Want' is to get your J.D. so that you can become an immigration rights lawyer. I think honoring commitments to friends can be thought of the same way-- maybe I'm kind of busy right now and my best friend asks me to help her move. What I 'want' to do is stay home and get some other things done, but what I 'Want' to do is help my friend, build the foundation of our friendship, etc.
But if we're wasting time doing things that we don't 'want' or 'Want' to do and they aren't "non-negotiables" like caring for our children and paying our taxes, then we need to cut that sh*t out!
I
And sometimes it is a matter of people not wanting to leave their comfort zones, or wanting you to leave their comfort zones. I recently wrote a post "Are You Trapped in a Brain Closet?" addressing one facet of this pattern.
And in closing, Vered, if you are passionate about anything that requires a degree, such as being a doctor, lawyer, etc., yes, a college education is the first step. For other pursuits the college education may or may not be relevant.
My husband says he spent twenty years recovering from his master's degree, for example. And his degree was in fine arts, which is where his passion lies. The education he received was actually counterproductive to the way he needed to work with his art.
"Move back in with your parents"? This does present a problem if your parents have learned to say "no", knowing you have become ""unhealthily dependent on them and are not taking responsibility for your own life", based on the wisdom that sometimes we become more well rounded individuals by working a few of those dead end jobs, attending "boring" family functions, helping friends (and sometimes strangers) in need, and working two or more jobs to pay off that insanely expensive degree we didn't use (but told our parents that's what we wanted to be when "we grow up".
I do know clutter (especially material things) does weigh us down, it's not necessary to follow the "leader" to succeed, joy is often found by volunteering our time to help those in need, and electronic gadgets which we got for our own convenience, create an umbilical cord that can easily be severed by hitting the "off" button.
Although some situations do not bring us immediate (or any) satisfaction, it's often in those challenging times we find our true passion.
--------------------------
Hi Barbara,Of course you can't move back in with your parents if they don't let you, and you shouldn't move back in with them if they don't want you to. People move back in with their parents for a variety of reasons: one of these reason is to help take care of them in their old age. Not everyone who moves in with their parents is "unhealthily dependent on them and are not taking responsibility for their own lives."
There are actually a million ways that we can become well rounded, and I don't think someone should keep a dead-end job for the sake of well-roundedness... life has a way of throwing us enough challenges as it is. I can't imagine that you are in favor of people staying in dead-end jobs. I never talked about boring family functions in this post, in fact I said that "we all know that there are some things we have to do to avoid being horrible human beings." And I mentioned that people lying on their death bed usually don't wish for more productivity, but instead more time with family, etc.
Barbara, I think helping friends, family members, and strangers in need is a great thing. I haven't spoken against this. But I think helping others works best when it's done in a guilt-free and intentional way. It's something that I'm personally passionate about and something that I've made time for. I've not once suggested that you shouldn't be a charitable person.
I think it's very important to differentiate between someone taking these suggestions in a purposeful, principled, and passion-driven way, and someone doing these things in a selfish and win-lose manner.
Regarding the expensive degree that we told our parents we wanted. Well, that's just always the case. There are a variety of situations: my parents did not pay for my degree, other parents do. Some children guilt their parents into paying for expensive educations, other parents guilt their children into taking it. And then there are a number of situations where this are wonderful and healthy.
I completely agree with this: "it
@Amanda: I agree that what you do "is really a statement of what is important to you." Family is important to me, and it doesn't matter whether I get short term gratification from being with them during one particular event. The point is that they're important to me and so I spend time with them. Not out of a sense of obligation or guilt, but out a free and willing sense of volition.
@Vared: Thank you for your very kind comments. Regarding a college degree: A college education is one of the many ways to financial success, but there are hundreds of ways to do this. There's a heavy percentage of entrepreneurs who have left high school (see this site's dedication), college, etc. See for example Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, my grandfather, etc. I would actually argue that wealth creation doesn't require you to have a degree. You can invest in the stock market, start a business, etc. without a college degree. If you want someone else to pay you lots of money, then you'll often need a college degree, but if you want to pay yourself lots of money, or pay others lots of money (to work for you) then it's not necessary.
I like how you differentiated between little w 'want' and a big W "Want." I think that when someone "comes alive," pursues their passion, etc. then it contributes to a better world. I'm not advocating for a self-centered me me me attitude, but rather radical authenticity. The authentic me 'Wants' to do things that it doesn't 'want' to do, and I believe that when eliminate all of our bogus commitments, it's much easer to make time to do the things we 'Want' to do, even when we don't 'want' to do them. Um... this is getting convoluted :-). Thanks for your insightful comment.
@Nick: I've wanted to read "The Dip." Now it's time to go to the book store.
What a brilliant post! This is exactly why I have trouble with productivity systems. Too often it's just a way to make our busy lives more manageable, and that in itself is the problem.
There is no need to be busy all the time, and personally I doubt that you can ever find out who you are and what you need if you cram your life full of people, jobs and obligations.
I commend you for writing this post - important ideas that are really well articulated. And I love the way you structure your articles by the way; I think I could learn a thing or two from you.
Cheers
:) Kelly
Thank you for elaborating on your post.
My "take" on this post (with the "list of things you don't have to do"), was that some would think you were promoting selfishness, with no little to no regard for others. By just "reading the list, and reading, the sentence, "If you really want to live passionately .....", some could easily take what you say literally, skirt their responsibilities, throw caution to the wind, and chase their passion. I'm happy to see you addressed that issue more specifically in your comments.
As much as I don't feel one should not have to stay in a dead end job, often it's that job that pays the most, has the best benefits, puts food on the table and a roof over their head. In communities that are suffering from hard economic times, often the choices are limited. In other cases, what appears to be a dead end job, can become an opportunity in disguise. I've heard of many young people who started at the bottom, developed a vision, and years later ended up owning the company.
Clay, as for you and your character, I don't doubt that you are truly a loving, giving, caring person, who takes your responsibilities seriously.
HUGE time killer, life drainer, productivity waster. Only problem is that you will find yourself spending more time alone. Some people dread that. I revel in it. I'm far more productive than I used to be. And I enjoy life much more.
Tom Stine | Spiritual Awakening
Thinking you HAVE to do things that you don't is such a trap. For instance- I made to decision to surround myself with people that enjoy spending time with a while ago. Best thing I've ever done for myself. *chuckle* I am quite unhappy any other way.
I've felt alot of what your message shares lately. You can either live with passion or live in that hamster-mentality. I know the Rx "Have Passion" isn't so easy for those who don't know what they're excited about yet.. I feel blessed to be able to sense what makes me tick. Reading this post prompts me to take a look and see what other downsizing I can tackle in order to continue building my dream and my happiness.
And yes, have a "method to your madness". People will be freaked out by your liberated self - and rightfully so if you're just quitting things to quit 'em. This is where self exploration is so useful.
reading this post made me feel good. I'm bookmarking this.
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/3...
Tim Ferriss has a quote from, I believe, a classic sci-fi writer that essentially explains the difference between duty, and what people expect from you. You should NEVER confuse the two.
At the end of your life, you can't blame your old boss for working you 70 hours a week doing something you hated. That was your choice not to leave.
I know so many people that complain they have no time to do what they want because of the things they have to do:
like - order contacts for a 21 year old daughter (she can't call herself?)
- plan a big birthday party alone (get others involved, think of alternatives to a party)
- go across state for a shower for someone you've never met who is marrying a cousin (just say no)
By letting go of some obligations, I am able to spend time doing what is important to me: volunteering, spending time with friends and family, and writing.
Amazing post. I believe that if everybody works for what inspires them most, we may not have any so called "Productivity Industry" that exists today. Part of the problem lies in the fact that too many people like to do what pleases others than what pleases their own soul.
Thanks
Shilpan
Walk away if it
I found the biggest key to changing productivity is changing your metaphors. I changed a few metaphors:
- Work is a buffet. Don't overload your plate. Take multiple trips. Finish a plate, then get more.
- Think in terms of value-delivered over backlog burndown.
- Manage energy, not time (a power hour in the zone blows away 8 hours of churn and burn.)
- Start each day fresh. Ask, what's the three most valuable things I can do today?
- Rather than p1, p2s, p3s -- factor by MUST, SHOULD, COULD (this speaks to our brains more effectively.)
- Don't confuse activities with outcomes.
- Start with something simple (build momentum.)
- Think "portfolio of results" (mind, body, emotions, career, financial, relationships, fun) -- and invest in each area
- Results fuels passion (ideas with no results burn people out or lead to frustration or stuck mode.)
I use a simple routine for getting results: Monday vision, Daily Outcomes, Friday Reflection. On Monday's I have the team imagine it's Friday and we're looking back -- what would make us feel great if we accomplished? Each day is a fresh start -- we think in terms of what would be great to accomplish (guided by Monday's vision.) Friday is a day for reflection. We carry forward lessons learned to the next week.
Some things just aren't worth doing.
For the last few years I have been concentrated on making my life slim. Without disruptions, with fewer things I don't like to do, without much influence from others. I live me own life and step by step I find out what I like to do the most. But for many years I had lived with "must" and "can't". Way too long.
If you don't like your job you can start learning something new in the evening and weekends and change your profession. I know many people who did it. The only people who fail are those who say "it is to difficult", "my situation can't be changed".
"No one lying on their death bed wishes they had implemented a better time management system, or created a ticker file, or been more diligent about emptying their inboxes each week."
That is true. But capitalism is sometimes worst than communism. We believe in what we are told and walk like blind people. Instead of relaxing we work really hard because we think that some day we will be able to relax.
More often we should think what makes us happy.
This is by far, one of the More Excellent Posts I've read on your blog or for that matter, in the past few weeks over a number of blogs (And I do read a number...*wink*...). Well done!
"You have to clear the weeds to make way for a garden of authentic living." --- Nice quote you have there!
You've well articulated what I've been recently doing in the clearing out of clutter and to become increasingly focused on doing what feels right. It feels scary initially because in the decision to come alive, I have to discard habit patterns and the false security that had held me together for so long. But the pursuit of one's passion and to live up to one's ideal is a dream that became increasingly appealing, beckoning me to take a leap of faith.
Thank you once again for writing this piece. There is so much wisdom in it!
Evelyn
Blessings,
Andrea
Clay you said,
"The elimination discussed in this article is for the sole purpose of creating space to grow a beautiful life, and as you eliminate, be sure to replace all your
An opus, indeed, and I cannot see your how this post and the ideas within could be said or presented anymore powerfully or clearly. I think you'll find that this coming Friday's meditation on Productive Flourishing ends on a theme very similar to what you've said. Let me know what you think.
The list of things you don't have to do resonated with me.
Over the years I've become a master of the art of saying NO and living on my own terms. I am grateful to have the ability to say no thank you and no longer involve myself in activities that well, frankly ... suck.
Why on earth would anybody want to live a life filled with the impending dread and doom of the commitments they couldn't find the courage to say no to?
AND ...
Consider the lame use of the word MAYBE for people who are afraid to say NO, but want to say no, who let MAYBE slip past their lips in order to sneak away hoping that the subject matter never crops up again.
If maybe is the passive aggressive word for no, why not cut out the middleman and just say ... NO? I say Rip off the bandage and get on with your life.
--Clay
Thanks!
I wonder if I can use it as a guest post in my cubiclehacks website. By the way I started getting out of tasks that were dragging me down and in a month a got a raise for incresing my productivity and have accomplished so much more than the last three years. I started by unsubscribing from all the crap and just keep rss feeds from people that will tell me what and how to do things.
Next stop, I went through all of my crap and decided to use extreme thinking (that is what I call it). This is, I imagine the fire department is in my building waiting for a bomb to go off. A fireman asks - Do you live here? - yes, I do - You have 10 minutes to get three things out of your place, a bomb will send everything to hell. Once I answered the questions what were those three things I will save I decided to get rid of everything else. Now, I don't clean that much and I have more time for production.
Please, let me know if I can use this post as a guest post in my brand new blog www.cubiclehacks.com
Thank you,
V.
However, it is a means to an end, and with that in mind I want to become more productive and efficient so I have quality time for things that matter to me!
I'm sure this has been said before and pardon me if you already have but... Ever thought about writing a book?
I can volunteer (for what?), I can come up with a blog (about what?) and claw/schmooze my way to the equivalent of middle management (#120001 on the Technorati list, etc) but I have no hunger for that. I have no hunger for anything so I just keep milling gold for The Man.
I'm not asking anyone to answer these questions for me, and I don't expect that I have to be happy and funded all of the time. If I could find something that meant more to me than I do I would dedicate my life to it. It should be easy, since I don't mean all that much to myself, but nothing seems to mean much of anything, not really. Everything is situational and contingent and doesn't last much past the wrap party.
Very well written Clay! I am amazed at how you have made this profound piece of writing so direct and so simple! and it makes so much sense....
TheAndySan
http://www.theandysan.com
This is a really thoughtful, well written post. What you have actually done is opted to voluntarily simplify your life. I think there are ways to respectfully convey the desire to cut back or bail out of unnecessary commitments without coming across as flaky or arrogant, so it's not a given that you will be perceived that way by others when you are clear in exercising your priorities. Taking the time to connect with ourselves in order to start identifying our passions and what we really value means being committed to carving out the time to just be with ourselves--and that in turn means saying no to demands on our time that don't support the process of identifying then taking the steps to move toward living on purpose.
Ultimately, when we find our passion and purpose--whether through paid work or devoting unpaid time and energy to a cause we strongly support--we become much happier in ourselves, we are able to live from a place of integrity, our productivity and energy levels are way higher than in the past, and we are in a MUCH better place to work toward effectively bringing about the positive changes in the world that we wish to see. While I'm borrowing Gandhi's expressions, I'll add that another of his mottoes was "My life is my message". Once he discovered his passion and purpose, he didn't just talk about it, he lived it--and was willing to go to jail for it on many occasions. Obviously, I'm not suggesting we should all go to such extremes to figure out how to make our life's work align with our passion and purpose, but it is illustrative of Gandhi's commitment to his "Project Liberation" -- liberating India from the British empire.
I'm just in the beginning stages of figuring out how to incorporate my passion and purpose into my life's work. Being in a work place that has gradually, over the last couple of years, shifted its culture to accept and encourage behaviors that are so toxic to my spirit that it has literally made me physically ill has been the final push from the Universe to get me realigned with the kind of activities that energize me rather than drain me. Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you great success in achieving Project Liberation.